Always
by BlackBird223
Summary: Shepard thinks of her lover, Garrus Vakarian as the time of her death arrives. Short one-shot. Minor swearing and blood occurrence. Shekarian.


So here is my short story to make sad things even sadder. Cause you know everyone has those moments where they want to make themselves sad and then immediately regret it. Aaaand my bestie Omicron70 helped to make this story,reading it and I put in a bit she wrote in. So read on!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these lovely characters or anything else that Bioware creates.

* * *

I clutched my side, groaning in pain. Everything hurt. My body felt like it was on fire. But we knew that this would happen. I hummed softly to myself in agreement with my thought. We. The love of my life. Garrus Vakarian. I shaped him, made him what he is today. Instead of a hum I chuckled remembering that young brash turian in the clinic. Brash and arrogant it had been quite the combination. I found it so hard to even speak with him without giving him my life advice. I shoved all my morals onto the poor man but he listened, he argued. Then he realized he was wrong. I choked out a garbled laugh, spewing blood on the console before me.

"Shepard nothing is happening!" Right. I slid down slowly. I give up. I'm done, I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, Garrus. I tried so hard for our future. But we both knew this was going to happen. I can hear Hackett somewhere in the background. I'm so sorry but I just can't everything just hurts too much. I don't realise that I quietly chant "I can't" aloud. Unwanted tears slip down my blackened charred cheeks. Too wrapped up in my thoughts I don't realize that I'm slowly ascending.

Brightness reaches my closed lids. I struggle to open them as they protest the sudden stinging from the light. When opened they wander towards the small holographic child. We start a conversation, something about creating synthetics to kill organics so synthetics won't kill organics.

"Bullshit. Everything that has reached my ears is bull fucking shit." I hiss this towards the star child. He continues on with a short retort. I however, have stopped listening. Instead I think of all the good that has come into my life. I think of the times I beat Vega at Skyllian Five and eventually many other crew members joining in. First Steve and Sam, then Alenko, Tali, Ken and Gabby, Joker and Edi. And Garrus.

Garrus, from brash and arrogant to a hard, vengeful broken man. It had pained me to hear the way he had talked about Sidonis. There had been so much venom in his voice. It scared me. He had been so much... better, for a lack of words. He realized that killing had not been the answer with Dr. Heart. But I died. I left him, still developing. So naturally he changed. When I got back he acted like I had not died at all. Like I had been up there snarking at him while he sniped the whole time he was stuck up there. Who knows? Maybe for him I really had been there. I had not realized how much I missed him until the moment when time slowed as he took off his helmet and we looked at each other. As I looked at Archangel - Garrus, everything... stopped. Time, the looming doom of the Collectors and the Reapers, and my heart. Knowing that he was there in front of me, alive, safe had been the most relieving moment of my life. But I got him back. The man I had shaped, he came back formed by the exact life lesson.

Vengeance is not the answer. I guess that I didn't follow that lesson myself. I took vengeance on Kai Leng for Thane. And now on the Reapers for Legion, for Mordin. For Ash. For Anderson. For the billions before our time. For everything.

And look at me now. I, am going to die. But... I don't want to. I have years ahead of me. I have years to spend with the man that I love, the man that stood by me with every decision that I ever made because it was the right one. We both knew that I would die and yet I made a promise to meet him after the battle. To have a life, make a family, possibly many little Krogans running around with a small human and a turian or two.

No. There had to be a way. I had promised to find a way. Promised him.

I turned away from the glowing child, leaning heavily on a rail for support I wracked my brain. The destruction in front of me made it hard to focus on the happiness of two individuals. There was too much at stake for me to be selfish now. I knew he would be alright without her now.

He had grown so much since the day I had first met him on the Citadel. His brash, arrogant style changed into a harsh, unforgiving nature when I died the first time. But then, the first time neither had been prepared. I hadn't taught him enough, hadn't loved him like I should have. My love and guidance had helped shape him into the individual he is; hopeful, merciful, and calculating. No, I thought smiling to myself and turning to face the child again, Garrus will be just fine without me.

"So? What will you decide?"

I took a long hard look at stupid incarnate. "Like you care." I start to limp away not waiting for the garbage that would come out. Green, Blue or Red? I'm going to die with whatever I choose. Red. The colour that Reaper beams are. Red's out. Blue...maybe... No. Blue's out. Stupid-ass Tim had freaky blue shit going on. Green. The genophage cure was green... Mordin made it green. I'll go with green. I started limping towards the large green pillar of light. It feels warm...

Warmth. That was the feeling I got whenever I was with Garrus. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing or how we were going to do it but it worked for us. I can still feel his fingers slide cautiously down my bare sides onto my hips. I can still hear that ringing of uncertainty in his voice. Oh God his voice, his voice - is why phone sex was created in the twentieth century, I swear. To hear that... metallic rasp in his voice was just beautiful. We were still experimenting, fumbling around doing what we do with our own races and seeing if it had the same effect. And some of it really did.

I pull out of my thoughts of the best times of my life to face the monster that was going to kill me. Only partially there. Fuck it. If I'm going to die because of this thing, I'm going to do what I always do. I'm going to run straight at the problem.

My feet started to pick up speed. Next thing I knew, I was running with all of my will. The closer it got the more determined I became. I'm going to the middle of that fucker. And I did. I leaped from the ledge and flew into the beam. It felt...warmer than before. But it was a good warm. I looked down at my hands,they were blackening and crumbling quickly. I can only assume that it was happening as quickly to the rest of my body. Images of everyone I have ever loved flashed into my mind. Pressely, Hackett, Ash, Sam, Steve, Thane, Legion, Mordin, Kaiden, Wrex, Grunt, Jacob, Miri, Ken, Gabby, Adams, Kasumi, Samara, Zaeed, Jack, James, Tali, Anderson and Garrus. I feel my mind starting to crumble away with the rest of my body. We knew this would happen. We knew I would be the one to die. It'll be hard. I'll be Shepard without Vakarian. And you'll have to live without me but I know that you're strong enough to do it. I know it.

"I'll always love you, Garrus." And I crumbled away, forever.

* * *

Garrus numbly looked up at the sky of the planet the Normandy had crash landed upon. He could still hear the haunted echoing voice that ringed in his ear from moments before. "I'll always love you too, Shepard. Always."

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AN: There it is! I don't know why I had the urge to do this but I did. So if you want to say anything about it review. Or don't if you were looking for a quick read, I know I do that sometimes.


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